The long-running saga of owner Dan Snyder’s mission to drag his own franchise into the dirt has a new update. We’ll spare you the full recap — too much research, irritation, and, doubtless, someone has written it already and better.

The latest is a league investigation into recent allegations from former employees about the toxic workplace environment Snyder has cultivated in Washington team in general and the owner’s own power-mad, sexually aggressive, alleged exploits directed at everyone from office workers to cheerleaders within the organization. The league announced the intent to investigate February 9, 2022. The independent investigation was led by Beth Wilkinson, A DC-based lawyer.

At the time Dan Snyder’s camp called the allegations absurd and moved to launch his own investigation into the matter with his own privately-hired investigation squad. Save Our Snyder! SOS! In true Snyder fashion, his response to the initial investigation ballooned into its own standalone scandal. As Jenny Vrentas reported for the NYT on June 22, 2022:

“As the N.F.L. was investigating his team for widespread workplace misconduct, the Washington Commanders owner Daniel Snyder directed a “shadow investigation” to interfere with and undermine its findings, a Congressional committee found.

“At Snyder’s behest, the committee said, his legal team used private investigators to harass and intimidate witnesses, and created a 100-page dossier targeting victims, witnesses and journalists who had shared “credible public accusations of harassment” against the team.”

In addition to calling out the SOS! Squad for trying to squash the investigation into Snyder’s wrongdoings, the congressional inquiry confirmed the original allegations to the extent that the NFL felt confident to issue the team a $10M fine and demand that Snyder step back from day-to-day operations, ceding control to his wife Tanya.

Before you give the NFL a congratulatory pat on the back, reflect on how paltry a sum $10M is to a man worth $4B. And think about the motives the league acted upon to not issue the written findings of the report, instead relying upon the “relax, trust us, everything’s cool now” approach that works so well in toxic workplaces.

Wait, there’s more! A second investigation was initiated by the league to investigate additional allegations that popped up in the course of the original investigation. The ball keeps rolling…

But for all the months of inquiry nowhere in the record will you find sworn testimony from Dan Snyder himself. The owner has avoided this very normal feature of congressional investigations. Presumably because even maniacal billionaire overlords want to avoid lying under oath if at all possible. The investigation could subpoena the billionaire and compel his testimony, like it does with every other sort of American citizen when it needs to hear their account. But the scales of justice don’t always weigh out evenly for the very wealthy and the rest of us.

Instead of sworn testimony the inquiry received something like the McDonald’s version of a Kobe beef sirloin. Snyder zoomed into the inquiry from his yacht in foreign waters in a voluntary decision to answer questions previously vetted by his lawyers.

By volunteering Snyder avoided the subpoena and the accompanying legal repercussions that come with lying in subpoenaed testimony. There was no televised recording of the testimony. There was no transcript provided. As in the outcome of the original investigation into Snyder, commissioned by the NFL, we have no record of it now and we may never have any record of it.

Though Congress is the highest body of lawmakers in the land, its powers appear especially hamstrung in the face of the wealthy and powerful. Handwriting aside about the state of our democracy, Commissioner Roger Goodell has the power to move on this matter himself without members of Congress petitioning the league to take action. 

Goodell’s claim that he doesn’t have the power to unilaterally remove Snyder may be technically correct. However, he does have the power to call for an owner-vote for Snyder’s removal. Three-quarters majority is needed among the ownership to remove an unwanted fellow owner.

One question we’re all wondering (assuming you haven’t made up your mind already) is whether Goodell is conducting the investigation in good faith. If you’re acting in good faith, then you will act on the results of your own investigation and take whatever steps are within the power of your office to do so.

Call the vote. Either the vote happens and Snyder is out (it’s unthinkable for a vote to get called without the NFL prepared and planning for Snyder’s removal), or the owners demand Goodell’s resignation for having the temerity to call them to account.

We’re getting ahead of ourselves. Roger Goodell wasn’t hired to be Elliot Ness from The Untouchables. His tenure as commissioner has been one botched scandal shush after another. The only successful ones have been the one you haven’t heard about.

If Dan Snyder becomes enough of an embarrassment to the other owners, he’ll be asked to sell out before league ownership ever quarrels in public. At that time Roger Goodell, good boy that he is, will come knocking like the good errand boy he is, sent by the grocery clerks, to collect the bill.

In the meantime track Dan Snyder’s yacht whereabouts with this wonderful Twitter account. Follow along as he sails the high seas of misadventure and prey – er, pray – for his female cabin crew!