Armand Hammer don’t have a cannibalistic sex fetish at Crystal Ballroom on Thursday, 30 November 2023.

Kayana, Quelle Chris, and moar warm up the room.

Armand Hammer?

Not Armie Hammer!

The NYC-based hip hop duo Armand Hammer, consisting of Billy Woods and Elucid, have been kicking around since at least Armie Hammer’s starring role in the Lone Ranger (2013) remake.

Maybe they pulled their name from the actor around that time, enchanted by his latter day cowboy routine?

Or maybe they just vibe on the branded baking soda?

It’s tough times, though, to have a moniker that intersects at any point along the line of the actor Armie Hammer, who’s been in the news for all of the wrong reasons. Something about BDSM and human flesh-eating and the sort of taboo stuff that mass media thinks you’re outraged, disgusted, yet secretly fascinated by. With all those murder shows on the streaming channels, maybe they’re right?

Don’t eat human flesh, kids. It’s NOT cool.

Quelle Chris

There was a nice fireside chat feel to Quelle Chris’ solo opening set at the Crystal Ballroom. Like he was storytelling with a glass of eggnog and a few crackling logs instead of serving up a hip hop entree. But he was doing that too.

Brandishing a chiffon scarf (with what looked like a graphic imprint of the Virgin Mary) like a baton-twirling bandleader, he warmed up the crowd with easy-going rhymes that went down the occasional jazz lounge rabbit hole.

Extra points for the pure vibes.

Mystery Man

A mystery man with possibly local roots? Not listed on the bill. Did someone get the license plate of that drive-by? Quelle Chris stepped in back to play laptop DJ while the main main ripped up front. An aggro level up after the avuncular opening set.

Kayana

The solo RnB artist Kayana served up a chanteuse change of pace. Silky vocals served over staccato synth snare hits. The moniker is variously defined at Baby Name websites as “pure” or “fire” or “keeper of the keys” or “flower” or “splendor.” Which sounds like a summary version of a Lord of the Rings spinoff series. It’s going to happen.

Armand Hammer

A one-two punch from the New York hip hop outfit touring on its latest LP We Buy Diabetic Test Strips. 

Seriously though, these people buying diabetic test strips are exploiters of human suffering. But let’s point a finger at the root problem: privatized health care. If these essential medical products didn’t cost money to acquire, hustlers wouldn’t be flipping them for profit.

Health care is a human right. Let’s make it universal and free at the point of delivery (no filling out forms to maybe, possibly, almost get partially, sorta, nearly reimbursed…one day).

As for Armand Hammer? A classic Laurel & Hardy duo with the heavy laying down gravel-strewn, bassy exhortations all day while the flyweight drops the lyrical rabbit punch flurries all night. Quelle Chris sat in for a verse or two.

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